


Refuse To Be Forgotten

by cherri_cola (orphan_account)



Series: The Aftermath Of Losing Someone [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-War, Angst, Army, Character Death, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Memories, slight jean/marco at the start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 11:42:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2387066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/cherri_cola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren has left his home, left his boyfriend, left everything behind to fight for his country, until, until that one bullet hit home, Until everything faded away, being forgotten by everyone but one person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Refuse To Be Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> Hello  
> this came to me while listening to This Is War by Thirty Seconds To Mars, so yeah, if you like depressing one shots, hope you enjoy!   
> Cherri_Cola

**To the right, to the left, we will fight to the death.**

***~*  
** Eren’s heart was pounding in his chest as he pokes his gun and head out of the trenches and uses the scope in his gun to hit a soldier in the heart, turning away from the man he just killed he refrained from thinking about what he’d just done, he sees one of his comrades get shot, his name was Marco he was sure, he barely knew the boy or his friend Jean, but he noticed Jean immediately run over screaming, smeared mud on his face, he tries to stop the bleeding but he can’t and he knows it, he just brings his friend in and he’s then taken away from Jean, who’s hands are covered in specks of blood, Marco had no chance, no chance the bullet wound was in the heart, Eren shakes his head, pulling himself out of his thoughts, then brings his head above the trenches again, forgetting his chest was exposed and shoots, but his shot is off as he feels pain start to blossom in his chest, he ducks down into the trenches again screaming in pain, his friend next to him, Armin, a strategist who was on the front lines, he was here to oversee everything, over see that the plans wouldn’t go wrong, Eren starts to cough and brings his hand over his mouth, when he takes it away, feeling dizzy, his hand covered in blood,

“EREN!” He hears Armin shout and then slumps down, his eye sight becoming infringed with black, he tries to say something, anything, but all that comes out is a hopeless gargle of blood, Eren’s mind drifts to his boyfriend, he was so sad when Eren left to fight, but he promised, he promised he would come home safe and alive, but he failed and his eyes are filling with tears, they’re filling with tears and he lets out another gargle, getting only one word out before everything is taken away.

“Sor..ry.” And then the light fades from his eyes and his mind blanks, Leaving the trenches and the horrid war behind him, after being there for so long.

*~*

Levi was sitting on his couch in the living room, smiling as he huddles into the blanket that he and his boyfriend would share when they were cold. He should be coming home from the war soon, he hears a knock on the door and walks out sighs, _who would come here at this time of day?_  He thinks to himself as he opens the door and sees a blonde haired man from the army, holding a box with a hat on it, a veterans hat with a solemn expression on his face, _No, He can’t be, He promised me._ Levi thinks to himself staring stunned at the man in front of him,

“You’re Levi Ackerman?” The man asks kindly and Levi nods his head, still trying to get over this, _It can’t be happening, this can’t be fucking happening, no it fucking can’t be._ “Your boyfriend we believe, Sergeant Jaeger, was one of many who were valued comrades to me and many more, was killed in action against the Afghans when fighting for a better future. Here are his belongings, his hat and badges and a letter, I was told by one of his friends, that he fought bravely for our country, he was one of our strongest and implied change, he was weighed by so much guilt at his death, guilt towards leaving you and all the blood shed he had caused.” The man says his eyes heavy with sadness at yet another death, Levi feels the tears make their way down his face and he doesn’t say anything, not even a small thank you for giving him the information, his life fell apart then and there, as soon as that box with the letter, badges and his hat was put on the mantelpiece above the fire place. Eren’s parents were dead, his own had left him, he only had a distantly related sister and he barely knew her. The only person that mattered to him, was gone, he, he was gone.

_Levi was on the bus, just sitting there at the park, just staring up into the sky, he was smiling smally to himself  as he noticed the trees around him swaying in an unknown rhythm to him and others, he closes his eyes and breathes in the autumn breeze and hears someone sit down next to him,_

_“Beautiful, isn’t it, autumn’s my favourite season.” The stranger next to him admits and he just smiles and nods his head as he opens his eyes and is met with a pair of stunning blue ones, and a boy with scruffy hair and a smile bigger than anyone’s he’s ever seen, the boy was wearing a black hoodie with old and worn out denim jeans, a leather necklace around his neck, he was beautiful, in a funny way and he moves over and pats the spot next to him,_

_“Mine too, kid.” Levi replies,_

_“I am not a kid for your information, I just turned eighteen by the way and enrolled to the army!” The boy replies, “My name is Eren Jaeger and I aim to do whatever I can for my country.” The boy, Eren says proudly, causing the man lying down next to him to smile,_

_“Well I’ll keep calling you that and my name’s Levi Ackerman and I have a bachelor’s in medication and science, I have a job as a surgeon and the science thing is more of a hobby.” Levi replies sitting up and stretching in the brisk autumn air,_

_“Oh um, well as a part time job considering I can’t be unemployed I work at a coffee shop..” Eren replies feeling stupid.._

Levi finds himself crying now, wretched screams and sobs making their way out of his throat,

“HE PROMISED ME!” He shouts crying, “ He fucking promised, he said he’d come home, he promised me god dammit!” Levi cries into the pillow, he stays like that, his throat becoming raw, “I miss you Eren, I miss you so fucking much, why’d you have to leave me, why did you have to leave me!” He exclaims standing up, tears still running down his face as he looks up across and sees the box which had his badges and a letter inside it and he was afraid, afraid to open it, afraid his life would crumple down into nothing now, becoming worse. He takes the box slowly and walks towards his and Eren’s room and sits on the bed and opens the box, seeing the kid’s multiple badges, _Kid, I never really stopped calling you that, did I?_  And just after having gathered himself, that thought sends him into hysterics again, he pulls the letter out of the box and opens the envelop slowly, his view blotted by tears,

_Dear Levi,_

_I love you, and you’re reading this letter because I’m no longer around to be there for you. I just want you to know, there’s no need to miss me, I know I promised I’d come back to you, come home even, but I wasn’t even sure I would when I made that promise. War is something that is stupid, and I’m fighting in one, I’m fighting in one to help my country and another one. I know you probably hate me for leaving you, for never returning home, but hell I love you Levi Ackerman, I love you so fucking much and I hope that you envisioned a future with me, not just living together but, but getting married, getting married and adopting a kid. I know it’s stupid, but if I was at home right now, returning back with everyone else, I would be so happy, I don’t want you to be sad. Please don’t cry, don’t do anything stupid, please just don’t, do it for me, keep living for me Levi._

_Love,_

_Eren Jaeger._

Levi folds the letter carefully, it was the last thing he had, the last thing he had left from his boyfriend and he would keep this letter, he would never let it go, he would treasure it. He starts crying again, huddling into the blankets and pillows, he cries and he can’t stop. It was as if a damn had been broken, he looks at the photos that Eren had pinned up on the wall on the side of the bed, convincing Levi that it wasn’t dorky or cheesy, he looks at the photos of he and Eren and smiles at one of them back at the park where they first met for their first anniversary, they’d been together for three years before Eren left for war, and Eren had been at war for two years, he hadn’t seen Eren in two years and he never will again. Levi just cries himself to sleep, his throat already hoarse.

*~*

It had been two days since the news, two fucking days since he’d heard about Eren’s death and the funeral was in a week. He had one suit to wear for it and Eren had picked it out when they were looking for something for him to wear to a university lecture, Eren had made him wear a suit saying that it would be fine, he himself had thought it was too fancy, but he wore it anyway and it wasn’t too fancy either, all the lecturers, teachers and professors wore something just as formal. He smiles to himself as he hears his door bell ring, he hadn’t had anyone in his apartment, or ring the doorbell for two days and he was afraid to open it, he warily stands up and walks towards the door and opens it, he knew he looked horrible, he had bags under his eyes, and his eyes were red and puffy with a glassy looked to them, he hadn’t eaten either, so he was probably a little underweight.

“Um, Mr Ackerman?” He hears a timid boy ask and he nods his head,

“I’m Armin Arlert and I was one of sergeant Jaeger’s comrades and I just wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss and his last word, I think he’d want me to tell you, he said _Sorry._ I don’t know if that means anything to you, but I hope it does. I was just deported back from Afghanistan for an injury in my ankle.” The boy says,

“Would you like to come in, the place is a mess though, I haven’t cleaned in two days, which isn’t like me at all, but…but ever since…” Levi trails off trying not to cry again, the boy in front of him nods his head and comes into the apartment, sitting on the couch and Levi sits on the couch across, his head hung in defeat, _God I miss you so much Eren, I miss you so fucking much, you’ll never know._ Levi walks into the kitchen and pours himself a drink, and goes back into the lounge room seeing Armin looking at a framed photo of himself and Eren, it was a photo that Eren had taken when Levi was asleep and Eren was smiling as he looked down at the sleeping person next to him, cuddled into all the pillows and blankets surrounding him.

“You really loved him, didn’t you?” Armin says quietly and Levi just nods his head,

“You know, his death is what inspired all of us to risk our own lives, be more dangerous, try and influence more change, we almost succeeded, we lost a good friend and one of our most motivated and best soldiers.”

“Really?” Levi asks quietly and Armin smiles and nods,

“My ankle got shot, went right through the bone when I was running into enemy territory.” Armin admits, Levi stands up and looks at the badges lying next to the photo and the hat on top of the box, the letter on the mantelpiece underneath the photo. The picture he’d chosen of Eren was a picture of him from when he was a kid, it had been one that Eren always carried around in his bag to remind him of his parents, he was with his Mum, his father holding the camera, Eren’s hair ruffling in the wind, leaves surrounding the paths around him, a huge smile on his face as he’s pulling his mother forward kicking piles of leaves over.

“Are you okay?” He hears Armin ask and he shakes his head Armin stands up and nods towards Levi who just nods back as the man leaves the room, Levi decided then and there, that he would do anything to numb this pain, anything to get rid of the pain he felt. He walks into the kitchen of the apartment which wasn’t a completely different room but it could be sectioned off and that’s what he did, he sectioned it off from every else in the apartment and opened the fridge and got out the bottle of vodka and didn’t even bother to get out a cup or anything as he just starts to drink from the bottle, feeling his pain get number and number over time as he downs sip after sip of the vile liquid. Before he knows it, he’s feeling anger, anger at the fact that Eren’s dead, denial as well, all the emotions in one wave coming over him. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t live without Eren god dammit, he had picked out a ring, he was going to propose and get married to Eren, he doesn’t know what to do anymore, he has no one left, drunkenly, Levi stands up and clumsily opens the sliding doors that sectioned the living room off from it, and gets his jacket off of the door handle, he hadn’t left the house since Eren’s death and he was going to do it now for hopefully the last time.

*~*

He comes home with a rope in his bag, he had looked everywhere trying to find it, why did no one sell ropes at shops anymore for fucks sake, it’s a mundane object that’s used for everyday things. Levi hangs his jacket up on the coat rack behind the door and smiles, he puts the bag down and shakes his head, the droplets in his hair from the rain outside falling onto the floor and into the carpet causing small dark spots to appear. He takes the rope out of his bag and walks into the small bathroom, right next to the kitchen and closes the small door behind him as he looks into the mirror and sees tired bags under his eyes, bloodshot eyes, messy hair, he hadn’t even bothered to eat or shower. He opens the cabinet under the sink and sees a pack of razors and opens it, bringing out one and setting it on the counter in front of him. He needs something other than alcohol to help him numb this pain, something that brings out his emotions. Something to bring him pain that somehow let out what he was feeling, and with these thoughts, Levi took the blade off of the counter and sat down, with his back leaning against the bath, and brings the blade down, cutting horizontally across his left wrist, the pain causing him to let out a small whimper, but he keeps going, cutting up and down each of his wrists until he can’t stand it anymore, until he feels as if everything’s better, it brings him a relief, a relief he never knew he’d find.


End file.
